Not Quite Home

About to board a plane to head to Nantucket. Wasn’t even home 48 hours before I had to turn around and leave again. It was two days of doctor’s appointments and errands so I got to hang out with approximately zero people. I promised myself 2 weeks off after this contract so I could just recuperate, which leads to my next thought…

The more I travel the more I notice that home isn’t really “home” anymore.

West Virginia, the place I’ve lived for 20+ years is home, but it isn’t where I feel comfortable anymore. It’s weird heading to places I know and feeling weird for being there. I’m so used to being a stranger that being in the familiar no longer inspires the same safe feelings in me.

I think that’s the thing with chronic wanderlust and not being able to stay still. I’m much more comfortable being uncomfortable. It’s strange to say that, but being mobile makes me feel stable. Knowing that I’ll be somewhere different in a few months, weeks, or days is exciting to me. It’s normal! If I sleep in my old room a month total in a calendar year, I’ve been home a ton. I’m far more acquainted with hotel beds than my own. I find I like it that way.

Losing that feeling of being comfortable at home is a little sad though. It’s not the same. There’s certain obligations when I’m home that I don’t have when I’m on the road. My relative anonymity and lack of additional expectations adds to traveling’s appeal.

Please don’t misunderstand. I love being home when I am. I love visiting with friends and family, but I don’t feel that same settled feeling others get when they come home. That renewal comes not when I come home, but when I leave. And I’m always leaving.

The road has become my home. The unfamiliar has become familiar. I find comfort in change and being somewhere different. Two years of travel for my job and previous years of traveling for leisure has made me this way. Permanent wanderlust without a cure.

Am I the only traveler with this problem? Surely not! Wanderlust isn’t a single person disease. Come on, admit it, you’re infected, too!

😉

travel on, road warrior.

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2 thoughts on “Not Quite Home

  1. *guilty as charged* 🙂 i wouldn’t want to be cured of it either way!

    home is wherever your heart is so they say. for some, home is a physical structure where they sleep and eat and engage with their loved ones. and for the rest, home is wherever the wind and the road may take them.

    love this post!

    Like

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