I believe I’m down to 5.5 weeks?
Sorry I’ve been super quiet. Between a stretch of shifts, my birthday, and switching back to nights I’m not exactly brimming with things to talk about.
I’ll just touch on a couple of thoughts quickly. Some are work related and some… Aren’t?
1. A small mental shift
I talk to a good friend of mine about once a week. It’s an opportunity to share both spiritually and about the wide variety of topics in the world. I appreciate the depth of our conversations on many levels. Especially when it comes to topics that Christians have a tendency to beat to death and alienate others over. It’s refreshing to my soul.
Recently, my friend passed along an article about a man with a particular inclination Christians like to crusade against. His issue isn’t what I cared about, but the heart of what he discussed is. He mentioned that when coming to God, He isn’t worried so much about the issue you’d like to get rid of, but about changing our hearts to see our need for Him. The sin is always a manifestation of our trying to do things apart from Him, but the more we change our minds (the more He changes our minds) the less that sin or issue will manifest.
I’m paraphrasing poorly, but the core of it hit me. I ask constantly for my sins to be removed from me so I’ll stop doing them. God says come closer to me, let me change the heart of you first, the rest is just a reflection of that need. Paul asked for his thorn or affliction to be removed, but God said His power is made perfect in our weakness. Stuff doesn’t just go away, but God is in the heart fixing business and as hearts mend behaviors alter. Will my struggles always be struggles for me? Yes, I believe they will, but that’s okay. Not a license to continue, but an understanding of it not being the root problem. It’s not about the struggle itself anyway, but my heart. I’ll let that get worked on first.
2. I took a job back home
It may surprise people, but I took an OPT position back home. It’s not uncommon for people to remain per diem at their old perm hospital when they travel, but I gave mine up when I started because… I traveled too much. Only being home between contracts 2 days makes it tough to convince myself to work.
I realized though, I need a home base work place again. Even though I initially had some anxiety about it (mostly because it feels too permanent. Yes, I know I’m crazy) I realized I needed to do this. You can’t think in what ifs, but my mother is getting older and I know a time will come soon when I’ll need to stop traveling and come home. Being established and having a small amount of roots is important even if it scares me
Which leads to my next point
3. I don’t have an assignment yet
As I’ve mentioned before, I like having my next assignments well in advance. Months in advance actually. This time I’m coming up short. Partly because I need to get in hospital orientation at UHC (5 days. 5. Days. Why? Just… Why??? I’m a former employee. What’s changed in a year?) and because I only want to work 8 weeks.
I’ve interviewed a few hospitals and altered my plan. Turned a few down and been turned down by a few. Decided to change to 13 weeks which takes me through the new year. With 5 weeks left, an iffy start date because of orientation, and not even being sure what state I’ll end up at, I’m getting nervous. I shouldn’t be nervous, but I am.
Where will I be next? I’m waiting to hear if Inova will accept 13 weeks, if Martha’s Vineyard will accept my start date, or if someone else better will call. I don’t know and I hate not knowing.
That’s it for now. Sorry for the unusual radio silence. Life is being life right now and I’m just trying to stay awake to enjoy it. I’ll keep you updated as I figure things out, eh?
Travel on, road warrior.