Called into question 

Week 4 ended with an unexpected surprise that wasn’t a good one. It’s got me a little shaken and very upset. 

A month in is typically when I hit my stride and start to feel comfortable. Remember this is a position on steroids. Orientation to knowing your way around the floor happens between now and the second month in to a contract. I’m still a little wobbly here, but I’m starting to figure things out.

I still haven’t figured this staff out. There isn’t the usual thankfulness to have travelers there to help and the undertone of unwelcomeness makes me uneasy. I’ve never been great at making friends, but I can do okay talking at work. I haven’t really had that experience here and it’s had me on edge. More than one person has made comments about the floor not being traveler friendly and I’m feeling the burn. 

Without going into much detail (until I get things sorted out), a complaint was written up against me. I’m taking steps to have it looked into and addressed. I am my own advocate so I won’t sit back and let someone roll over me. But… 

Mentally, knowing someone has questioned your practices, your work ethic, your abilities is a crushing blow. 

Admittedly, I pride myself on doing the best job I can do with the utmost care. I don’t know everything and have never pretended to, but I’ve learned a lot over the course of my career and make a point to practice within my particular scope. 

Someone commenting on my care or questioning it makes me question my abilities. I found out about the issue and cried because it made me wonder if I didn’t do everything I was supposed to. Rationally I can examine the incident and defend my actions without issue, but now I’m second guessing and that makes for a trying mental state. I’m still emotionally distraught over it. 

I take things personally even when I shouldn’t. Twice I’ve been fired by a patient and both times it was a serious blow to learn they felt I didn’t give them the care they wanted. What else could I have said or done to make them happy? 

That’s the thing, you can’t make every one happy or do everything to perfection. Someone isn’t going to like you or will take issue with something you did or didn’t do. 

I’ll get back to you on how this goes. Sorry this isn’t a more positive post, but it’s a little difficult to feel positive at the moment. My goal is to enjoy my days off and that includes good food, exploring the area, and absorbing the sunshine to keep my mood positive. Everything will work out how it should and I can’t do anything about it. 

Keep your chin up and travel on 


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