The Good, The Bad, And The… Meh?

Another assignment completed. That means it’s time to hit the road and head off to my next assignment. Always to the next one with me.

I travel because being anywhere permanently makes even thinking about staying somewhere makes me break out in hives. While I’ve always known this, traveling has made it more obvious that there is no ‘awesome place to work’. Every place has its issues whether they are frank or hidden. The nature of the hospital setting lends itself to problems that aren’t easily solved. It could be staffing issues, management issues, upper management issues, or just interpersonal issues. Something always make it less than ideal.

Not every assignment is going to be amazing because every place has their issues. Not everyone is going to love me or what I bring to the table when I come there to help them. In their eyes, I’m simply another body where they’ve been incredibly short and as long as I’m capable enough they don’t need anything else from me.

Did I love this previous assignment? I started with mixed feelings and ended the same ways. This is one place that I didn’t have a party at the end. Not that a party when a traveler leaves is indicative of anything, but it’s obvious that you’re being there and leaving make a difference when they bother to have something for you. I know I was the only one of my group of incoming travelers that didn’t renew. That’s not necessarily reflective of the place as I always head back east, but I also didn’t want to stay where I felt so indifferent either.

It’s a reminder that you can still be the best you as a traveler even if no one else notices.

I’m rapidly coming up on four years of this travel nurse thing and I’m continuing to learn things. Mostly about myself and what I will tolerate, but also about my skills and abilities. I struggled at times this past few months with feeling unrecognized. As is typical of my personality, I realize I need to at least know someone appreciates me being around to help. That isn’t always possible so I need to remember who I am and what I know. Those things doesn’t change when I go somewhere that isn’t so excited to have travelers outside of filling vacated spots.

So every place, no matter how difficult, has a lesson or a learning point. Whether it’s something that boosts your skill set or something that increases your emotional awareness, every place will teach.

So I’ll keep on to the next thing as usual. Travelers gotta travel and I’m a traveler to the core.

Travel on, road warrior.

The End

Sorry for the radio silence over the last few months. As time has ticked by from week one to week 17 of this last stint, I think I have a great idea for something to say, but then life would get away from me. In the end, what started out as something I wasn’t so sure about ended up being an assignment that I found enjoyable. Having not worked with the demographic common to my home state in a long time, it was good to be closer to home and get reacquainted with the issues of Appalachia.

But being done, the approaching end of the year, and life in general has had me thinking of ending.

Things always end. Always. The recent death of someone I knew drove home how sudden the end can come. Life is finite in ways I forget until confronted with death. How we don’t consider meeting our maker until we are step out of this life into the next. It makes me take account of how I’ve led my life so far. 32 years is long enough to make mistakes, have regrets, have great accomplishments, and joys. What can I say about myself in the end?

On a less morbid note…

I talk often about leaving a legacy. Even if I never return to a place I’ve worked at, I hope I leave behind the impression of a person who works hard. More than that, I hope I leave the idea of kindness in some form. I admit I gripe at work, but I hope my attitude with my patients and coworkers overall is one of helpfulness and giving.

There’s joy and sorrow in endings, but life continues on even in the midst of both emotions. 2016 (a not so fun year) will end. It’ll usher in a new beginning with its ending. It’ll have left its mark, for good and bad.

Remember me fondly even when my mistakes are unearthed. Remember my care, my compassion, my concern, my humor, and my smile. When I’m gone, remember those things because that’ll be all I can leave behind.

On to new beginnings. San Jose after the New Years! Too soon to be worried about anything except vacation.  I’ll try blogging a little more often now. Until then, thinking on your legacy.

Disappoint

My brother and I were trolling New Orleans when a particular topic of conversation came up. A source of past commonality was revealed and after a pause, my brother utters,

“I’m not saying I’m disappointed…”

I stopped him right there by saying I knew he was or he wouldn’t have said that. Off the pedestal I came, which is all right with me.

It stuck me as funny how we handle other people’s sin and mistakes. I’ve said in the past that we have issues with compassion, but I’d add we have issues with forgiveness as well.

It’s not in us to forgive readily. We harbor grudges, we avoid, we allow other’s mistakes to prejudice us against them. I do this! I am that person. I admit it takes a large amount of Godly leading to prompt my heart to forgive when someone lets me down, betrays me, or disappoints me in some way. I find it easier to hold on to that because why let it go and give someone the chance to hurt me again?

Forgiveness is never for the direct benefit of the person being forgiven and always for the person doing the forgiving. As hard as it is to let things go and say you’re letting someone off the hook, the healing you receive is so much better.

Hurt doesn’t disappear overnight, but it fades. A clear heart gives a clear head.

I’m not implying my relationship with my brother is different because of something I’ve done, but things change and maybe that change is for the better.

We aren’t perfect. I. Am not. Perfect. I’m also not the kid I was when I was in high school. I’ve made mistakes and I need to be transparent about that for my own spiritual growth. It’s okay to admit that because I think revealing our feelings can help others grow spiritually as well.

It leads me into thoughts of repentance. It’s not a new thought in my life, but it’s one I always have to rediscover. One I’ll probably be talking about in this space.

As you can see, I’m more than just my travel experience. I’m here trying to figure things out.

To the journey ahead…

Nurse C signing out