The End

Sorry for the radio silence over the last few months. As time has ticked by from week one to week 17 of this last stint, I think I have a great idea for something to say, but then life would get away from me. In the end, what started out as something I wasn’t so sure about ended up being an assignment that I found enjoyable. Having not worked with the demographic common to my home state in a long time, it was good to be closer to home and get reacquainted with the issues of Appalachia.

But being done, the approaching end of the year, and life in general has had me thinking of ending.

Things always end. Always. The recent death of someone I knew drove home how sudden the end can come. Life is finite in ways I forget until confronted with death. How we don’t consider meeting our maker until we are step out of this life into the next. It makes me take account of how I’ve led my life so far. 32 years is long enough to make mistakes, have regrets, have great accomplishments, and joys. What can I say about myself in the end?

On a less morbid note…

I talk often about leaving a legacy. Even if I never return to a place I’ve worked at, I hope I leave behind the impression of a person who works hard. More than that, I hope I leave the idea of kindness in some form. I admit I gripe at work, but I hope my attitude with my patients and coworkers overall is one of helpfulness and giving.

There’s joy and sorrow in endings, but life continues on even in the midst of both emotions. 2016 (a not so fun year) will end. It’ll usher in a new beginning with its ending. It’ll have left its mark, for good and bad.

Remember me fondly even when my mistakes are unearthed. Remember my care, my compassion, my concern, my humor, and my smile. When I’m gone, remember those things because that’ll be all I can leave behind.

On to new beginnings. San Jose after the New Years! Too soon to be worried about anything except vacation.  I’ll try blogging a little more often now. Until then, thinking on your legacy.

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Mistakes or legacies 

I’m home for a while.

The travelers’ conference was incredibly informative. I’m sure I’ll be imparting some knowledge from that at some point. The biggest thing I gleaned was protecting your traveling experience whether it’s financially, professionally, or emotionally. I’m still in the process of learning how to be a smarter traveler.

  
Finished up in Worcester and made the drive back with my mom over the weekend. It’ll be a rest, of sorts. Next week starts my orientation at the hospital here.

Stop me if I’ve discussed this before, or just listen anyway, but I think about the legacy I leave at each place I visit. 

I see myself as a representative of all travel nurses at times. The hospital may have had bad nurses in the past or this is their first brush with travelers. I don’t want to be THAT nurse who gave all travelers a bad name because I didn’t pull my weight. 

It can be daunting at times because mistakes happen to every person. I’m both a perfectionist and unable to see when I’m doing good work, which can be dangerous for me. We aren’t immune to mistakes no matter how perfect we try to practice. I try to own my mistakes, but in both my professional and personal life the thought of making a mistake and losing people’s respect can be crippling at times. I have to work through it when I start someplace new, I have to remind myself that I am human and therefore not perfect, and I try to double and triple check. Know thy policies. 

Coming back home to work is interesting for me too when it comes to legacies. I’m excited to see everyone and they seem excited to see me, but just like with anything I worry. 

Like Jesus coming home to preach, being home can be hard. They remember me when I was new and real green. I can’t pretend I’m the super B.A. travel nurse I project to everyone else because they’ve seen me confused and begging for help. It’s humbling and I think that’s probably good for me, being humbled. I know I won’t be treated differently, but I’m still aware of my image. 

There’s so much more I want to say on this, but I’ll leave it with this: we can make an impact, but should never let the fear of the impression we could make stop us from being great. 

Coming home for a bit. Let’s see how much I remember and how much has changed in the last year and a half-ish since I started this travel gig full time. But 5 days of hospital orientation though… Send me happy thoughts next Monday because I’m feeling some type of way.

Travel on, road warrior